


Never Again

by octopussy (deannawincester)



Series: Firsts [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 11:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5246000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deannawincester/pseuds/octopussy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam thought you kissed a person the way that you loved them, too young to know better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> One of many drabbles from back in the day that I'm finally transferring over to the archive. Rated for dialogue and physical attack on a minor.
> 
> Note: This isn't a John-positive story (if that bugs you).

Sam was too young to know better.

All he knew of kissing was what he'd seen in his eight short years demonstrated by his father and tacky daytime television programs. In other words: very little. He knew the people who did it on TV did it because they loved each other a real lot and that people who didn't love each other a real lot shouldn't ought to do it. He had noticed that the participants on TV were usually a man and a woman, but that had to be coincidence. After all, sometimes John kissed him and Dean—absently pressing his lips to their hair or asking Sam to come give him a kiss (Dean was too old for that anymore). John's kisses were brief, typically inattentive pecks, but Sam though that was because you kissed a person the way that you loved them and John loved absently at best.

The day Sam first kissed Dean, Dean and John came home from a real rough hunt and Dean had stains on his face from crying and he was a little bloodied up. John looked angry and they wouldn't look at each other. John ruffled Sam's hair as he walked past, taking a swig of whiskey straight from the bottle. Dean just stood by the door, arms limp, and eyes dead and Sam thought he might never see a smile on Dean's face again if he didn't do something. So Sam walked up to his brother and hugged him tight. When Dean startled and hugged him back, Sam knew what he had to do.

"Love you, Dean," he said and reached up, cupping Dean's cheeks in his pudgy palms, to press a kiss to his brother's mouth. It was surprisingly wet and Sam couldn't understand why it made him feel so tingly all over. He couldn't understand why it relieved him so much when Dean didn't pull away; when Dean sighed a soft little sigh and relaxed against him.

But then John was pulling them apart and he hit Dean in the face, splitting his lip, and Sam was screaming at him to stop, stop, stop, but John didn't even look at him. He just kept yelling at Dean. "What the fuck are you doing? That's your _little brother_! Don't you fucking touch him like that!"

He couldn't understand why John said what Sam had done was wrong and dirty and he should never do it again. More than that, Sam couldn't understand why John was angry at Dean when it had been his fault; he couldn't understand why John was hurting Dean instead of him. He couldn't understand why John didn't stop even though Dean was hurt and bleeding and all Sam could do was cry. It didn't make sense: all he had done was try to show Dean how much he loved him.

After, when John had passed out, still holding the bottle, and Dean had gone to bed, Sam lay awake. Usually he crawled into Dean's bed, especially when Dean was hurt, but that night he was too scared. So he tried to go to sleep on his own and swore to himself he'd never kiss Dean again.


End file.
